My last post about staying present ended with the affirmation, “I am safe.” However, as I was dialoguing with my guides, I had not realized that my difficulty staying present was an underlying fear of not feeling safe.
As I talked to a friend about my aha moment, I saw how rarely I have felt safe in my life. I even described it to her as always being battle-ready. But, I also recognized that my fear wasn’t about being physically unsafe. Instead, it was an energetic or a psychic feeling of unsafe. As an empath, or someone energetically sensitive, I am always aware of the subtle energies in and around my environment. I can walk into a room and feel that something is off. I can even pick up a disaster that occurs halfway across the world. Judith Orloff’s book The Empath’s Survival Guide is an excellent resource if you are energetically sensitive like me.
I donned my armor at a very young age when there was actual danger around me. Becoming an empath was my survival mechanism to keep me secure. But unfortunately, I carried this armor with me into my adult life even when I was no longer at the same kind of risk.
Always being on guard is exhausting. As I contemplated letting my armor fall away, I realized how tired I was of holding that defensive posture.
I decided to have a further conversation with my guides to see if they could help me unravel my root fear. I use the word root intentionally here as I know this fear lives in my first chakra. At the base of the spine, the root chakra is associated with the organs of elimination, the glutes, legs, and feet. It is where our programming from childhood resides. When this chakra is balanced, we feel safe. When this chakra is out of balance, we may experience fear on some level.
For as long as I can remember, I have always had tightness in my legs and low back. This tightness can happen when you are constantly on guard due to being afraid. Fear can show up in many ways, for example, anxiety, worry, stress, phobias, etc. I have known this about myself for years. But it wasn’t until recently that I was able to bring this to the forefront of my awareness.
I wanted to start this conversation with my Guides by asking when did this fear begin? However, they encouraged me to ask this question instead.
Me: How do I heal and or dissolve this fear?
Guides: You heal the past by breathing life into the present moment. You no longer need to “dig up” the past to heal the present. Bringing your hidden fears into your conscious awareness is enough to shift out of the fear. From this space, you can “see” that you are safe.
They showed me a grave robber digging up a grave. The robber represents me stealing the present moment away by digging up the past.
I wrote the above dialog with my Guides shortly after writing the first one. When I woke up the following day, I felt lighter and brighter. I felt as if an enormous weight had lifted off of my chest. I shared with my husband that you don’t always recognize a heaviness hanging on until it is gone.
Is this the end of my fear? I kind of doubt it. I am a human, after all. It is a beginning, though. I trust that life and my Guides will reveal more to me as I remain open with a willingness to lay down my ax and shield and slowly begin to let go of the armor I’ve built up over the years. But, of course, laying down my ax has more to do with my ability to trust that I am in no danger.
Dropping my guard does not mean I am no longer aware of an incoming threat. On the contrary, I know I have a warrior’s skill to deal with whatever comes my way if any danger arrives.
Does my experience resonate with you? Let me know in the comments.
Della offers weekly yoga classes, workshops, intuitive readings, and wellness coaching. You can find out more about her services here.