Deep Surrender

I have been in the process of Deep Surrender these past couple of weeks. Surrender is not something I do once, and then I’m done. I have to surrender over and over again. This yielding has been a lesson in patience with Self. I have a habit of holding on so tight. That gripping like my life depends on it has been a problem of mine most of my life. I’ve been grasping so long and hard that now there is numbness in my hands and feet (neuropathy). This pain began last year but seemed to dissipate with a diet change. However, now it is back, and I know that there is more than diet contributing to the pain.

Mental & Emotional Contributors

Why am I holding on for dear life, you ask? Because I am afraid. I think I came out of the womb in survival mode. My mother told me I would be stiff as a board whenever she tried to cuddle me. This fear led me to try and control every outcome, so I could feel safe. Even now, when I am truly safe, I still try to manage all the details of my life because this habit has existed as long as I can remember.

Pain As a Motivator

The first time I heard the phrase pain as a motivator, I was sitting in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. At that time, I understood the phrase’s meaning to be someone hitting bottom so hard they could no longer avoid their problems.

Well, I’ve hit my bottom, or it’s more like the two-by-four has hit me. Like an addict who goes out and relapses, I’ve had to learn the lesson of surrender repeatedly. But, this time, I’m listening, though my ears still ring from that wack alongside the head.

The Empowered Present

I’m letting go one moment and one breath at a time. So when I slip out of the present moment and into my busy mind, I pull myself back, breathe, and remember that surrender means freedom, not loss of Self.

I know that there is an opportunity here in this challenge to let go and allow Life to unfold. It is time I take back my power and live in the present moment. I give my power away whenever I step out of the present. As Louise Hay says, “The point of power is in the present moment.” And the Course In Miracles says, “In my defenselessness, my safety lies.” This means it is time to drop my armor, start trusting Life and live in the now. It is only in the present that I can live fully empowered.


Della offers weekly zoom yoga classes, workshops, intuitive readings, and wellness coaching. You can find out more about her servicesĀ here.

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